I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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