she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
