His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
