I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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