Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I want to make a zoo with you.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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