either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
