I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
