Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
