I skipped work to stalk him.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
smell my finger.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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