We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize