Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
