What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
