then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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