Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
