just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
