So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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