He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
