i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Semen is not good for contacts.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
