i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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