Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
