Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
