fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i think i have two assholes
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
