either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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