I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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