Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize