She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
