i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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