Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
