You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
