I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
