goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
