Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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