I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
