girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
