Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
