I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i wish my penis had a tongue
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
