just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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