What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
