I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
