Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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