I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
