u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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