I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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