He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
