Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
