I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
