dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
