Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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