my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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