Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
