There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
