In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
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