he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I FOUND THE LEGS
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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