toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
