fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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