ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i barfeds in our rink
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
