If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
