Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
