I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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