so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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