I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
