i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
