This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
