I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
