Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
