I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
