Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
