do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
