Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
