i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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