i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
