Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize