She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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