Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Someone shattered a urinal.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
