We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
