Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
