Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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