You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
