are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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