Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
