Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
