idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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