I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
