God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize