so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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