He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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