apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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