This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
