awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
