She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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