Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize