you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
