Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Everyone says I win the strip club
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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