Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
