The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
