I'm eating all of the evidence.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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