you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
