careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
