I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I can't turn off my feet"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
