Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
