I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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