just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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