I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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