If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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