You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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