I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
