He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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