So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
