matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
