Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
