Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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