my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
