I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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